The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
