He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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