I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
