i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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