Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
