is your mom at the bar?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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