I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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