Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
