Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
