Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
