Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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