we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
