Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
