Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
