Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
