Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
