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Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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