Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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