I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
