My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
