whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Randomize
