i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
