I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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