I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
