Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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