I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
