I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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