Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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