I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
