I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
someone owes me an orgasm
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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