scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
