therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
