Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
