Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
