Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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