I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Randomize
