Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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