don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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