Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sorry my hands just texted you
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
