Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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