Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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