The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
