i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
