Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
