so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
