Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
