Tell her she can't have a vagina
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I will be naked everywhere
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
