but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My dick has a subreddit
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
