My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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