i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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