So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
