you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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