Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
