he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
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