my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
