Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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