My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
